What Makes a Conscious Man (or Woman) Fall in Love? How to create Conscious Chemistry® with the one who is meant for the true you.

What happens AFTER you meet someone?

When you are searching for a partner, the only thing most people focus on is the meeting. You have an online dating strategy plan and read up on the latest tips on dating etiquette so you can act accordingly and they remain interested. You may even think you have to clear so-called “blocks” so you can meet. Have you put so much energy in meeting the person that you rarely think about the time after you find him or her?

The urgency and anxiety you put into dating will not end when you meet someone, it will only magnify.

Honestly, I used to believe that everything would fall into place when I met the right person. The angels would belt out songs of joy and doves will be released and float around us and I would somehow finally be confident and secure. Time and time again I was wrong. Everyone I met was reflecting back to me my own insecurities and fears about being not good enough and alone.

I kept looking for someone to love me, when I needed to be that someone to me first.

Here’s the deal. You may focus on the image of their right person to meet like a cardboard cutout with a nice resume. Do you ever think about what being in a relationship with that person would be like? Are you prepared for the disagreements, fears, family drama and, yes, maybe even the children involved? Do you feel comfortable communicating your needs and keeping the spark alive? What about when the sex slows down or someone gets ill?

Most people, myself included, looked for love as a happy fairy-tale ending. We’ve been hypnotized to believe in those funny romantic comedies where the struggle happens before you meet and then when you finally come together everything is perfect for the rest of your life. But that is not real life, life is not easy and relationships are a living, changing experience that needs nurturing and continued growth.

You can tell how prepared you are for a real relationship in just the first few dates. Do you get anxiety around communication? Do you gauge all of your happiness onto whether he or she calls or asks you out on a weekend date? Do you feel a lack of control over your schedule or what you like to do together? Do you find it difficult to manage your emotions because you like the person so much?

These fears in a new relationship may temporarily subside when the act the way you want and give you the attention you crave, but the fear is not gone. This same fear will arise again when another difficulty shows up. You can stuff it and feel miserable as a prisoner under his/her control or you can sabotage and end it to move on to the next one who “knows how to treat you” without you having to explain it. Good luck with that plan.

When I started my personal development path to find love, I felt like I was a slow learner. So many people would fall into relationships while years later I was still poking at my inner child telling her to stop crying. I was just focused on fixing myself to meet “him” instead of growing myself to have a relationship that lasts.

The strategy of fixing yourself, removing blocks and following dating tips still focuses on the same idea…life will be better when I meet the person. Once I realized that I didn’t have to fix myself but to uncover my true self already inside of me, I stopped thinking there was something wrong with me. I no longer wanted to find a man to finally tell me that I was okay. I didn’t need to heal myself to feel OK.

Coming from a powerful place of “I am already okay” doesn’t happen overnight, but it happens a lot faster if you drop the healing and fixing to begin with. The constant searching for defects in you or your behavior is counter-productive. You cannot feel enough if you are always looking for ways where you feel broken without a partner.

Reclaiming your power is a process of letting go of the persona you have been conditioned to be as a shield defending the soft vulnerability of your humanity. It is a scary confrontation to drop the mask and see what is behind it. You must look directly at the places you don’t want to face inside of yourself that are only negative because of the story YOU assigned to it.

The truth is there is nothing negative about you and realizing that gives you power. Embracing all of your human tendencies with love and compassion will enable you to relate to another in a deep, intimate way without needing to run or hide.

Facing yourself where you don’t dare to look and being okay with it all allows you to open your heart to love. The only real reason you don’t have love is that you don’t want someone to see all of you. You will continue to attract people who also hide behind their masks and you will continue to project fears onto each other where there is no doorway for a deeper connection.

Can you meet someone without looking inside? Sure you can. People do it every day and most people are miserable in relationships because of their projections. You still have the chance to individuate and grow with each other but both parties now must take on the process. Jung said, “The best time to work on your relationship is before you get in one.”

Instead of fixing your persona, it is time to love and embrace all of who you are. If you do that BEFORE you meet, the bliss will not end after the first few dates. You will automatically have chemistry with someone who matches your inner self-love and the relationship will last.

True love isn’t about finding the right person but bringing the right person (your true self) into the relationship.

Exhausted from Trying to Change Your Life?

Feeling like you aren’t getting anywhere and frustrated with your results in trying to find love or make more money? Do you wonder if anything works or if you are just not meant to change? So many people share your frustration. The harder you try, though, the more you get the opposite result. Watch this video to find a way to FREE YOUR MIND to create what you want.

Stop focusing on “blocks” to love so you can really find your partner

When you aren’t getting the results you want in love, the tendency is to focus on what is wrong. You may have been told that you need to work on your “blocks” so you can find love, but this approach actually works against you. You will get caught up in a never-ending cycle of fixing and go down a rabbit hole of despair feeling you are never going to “get it.”

By looking at yourself as broken or wrong, your mind expands and magnifies what you focus on. Just like when you are looking to buy a new car and find one you like, all of a sudden you start to see that car everywhere on the road. That is why you feel so exhausted in self-help, you keep focusing on what you don’t want. You are a creative being and your mind can either work with you or against you depending on where you focus it.

I am not saying that there isn’t something inside that is stopping you from finding love, but let’s stop calling them blocks. Every human being was born into an insecure world and created a safety-zone for their emotional state to help them survive in the world. This process is the function of a normal, healthy mind, not a block or pathology.

As a society, we’ve been trained not to get too close, not trust the opposite sex and to feel as though life is tough and hard, filled with problems and struggle. Everyone has shut off the heart to some degree just by being alive. Of course, you can have surface relationships in this state and that is why relationships fail so easily and the divorce rate is over 60%.

Continue Reading…

Dealing with the Ups and Downs Waiting for Love

If you’ve been single for a while, you may be a little anxious or impatient for the arrival of your true love. Being too desperate or needy for that special person will only cause more problems or heartache in a new relationship. Watch this video where I explain how to keep your confidence and draw on your own strength so you can attract the right person.

Letting Go

Whether you are searching for the love of your life, on a mission to lose weight, or just trying to get your business off the ground, there may be a time when things are not moving forward. When feeling stuck, you may start to give attention to what is not happening and what is wrong. Focusing on your current state of affairs only creates more of the same experience. This behavior is counterproductive and only keeps you immobilized in the status quo. The subconscious desire increases to grasping and feelings of desperation and the last thing you may want to do is surrender to the situation and let go.

I remember when I was single and wanted to meet someone special. I was obsessed with improving myself, devouring every self-help book on relationships and throwing myself in any workshop I could find. This behavior led me to being very hard on myself when a relationship failed or was heartbroken by yet another womanizer. I felt like I should have known better after all the personal growth work I’ve done. I never gave myself a break, and the last thing I wanted to do was to give up and surrender to being single the rest of my life. My thoughts were saturated each day with my unhappy single status and nothing seemed to change.

The more I held on to the pressure of meeting Mr. Right, the more anxious I got. I was trying too hard. The same thing happened when I was building my business. The more I focused on the lack of new clients coming in the door, the less my phone rang. I struggled with my weight in my 20’s until I got distracted with my busy corporate job and the weight came right off. The times that I chose to surrender and let go were the times when everything automatically shifted in the direction that I desired.

A person I know works for a famous author. She told me that he was in a meeting describing to his staff the idea of letting go and allowing. He said to accept everything in your life as if it weren’t going to change and find peace in the here and now. As he was explaining this concept, his secretary came to interrupt the meeting and tell him that Oprah’s assistant was on the phone. He had recently been struggling with increasing his business and wealth and finally came to terms that if nothing changed in his life, he would still be fine. He loved everything he had in that moment, let go and then he was able to receive more.

In the dating world, when you let go and relax you become more attractive. Imagine if everything you wanted in your life was attracted to you when you just relaxed? Sounds too easy, but sometimes the simplest approach is the most powerful one. That is why your business has its ups and downs. The high times compound upon each other to create more abundance. When a doubt enters your mind things may come crashing down again. You pick yourself up and eventually the flow begins to return. There are natural ebbs and flows of life, but most of the bell curves are directed by your state of mind.

Being in gratitude, accepting the gifts that you have in your life right now helps you to stay in the moment and let go. Practicing this daily will not only lift your spirits but you become an abundance magnet. Whether you want the love of your life, to lose weight or increase your business, stand on the edge of unlimited possibility and just let go. Instead of trying to reach out and grasp for things in desperation, relax and allow the goodness to flow to you.

If you need help letting go of the stress in your life, check out my new Feel Good – Release Anxiety self-hypnosis program on CD or get the mp3 download. It is a 20-minute deep relaxation that helps you let go of all tension in your mind and body, leaving you feeling extremely peaceful and very attractive.