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Exhausted from Trying to Change Your Life?

Feeling like you aren’t getting anywhere and frustrated with your results in trying to find love or make more money? Do you wonder if anything works or if you are just not meant to change? So many people share your frustration. The harder you try, though, the more you get the opposite result. Watch this video to find a way to FREE YOUR MIND to create what you want.

How to live in possibility to create your dream life

Why is it so hard to change our reality? If you are like me, you have probably heard dozens or even hundreds of lectures on changing your life. They tell you to think positive, feel the vision and take inspired action, but nothing seems to change. You wonder if this even works or if it only works for some people and not for you.

People ask us all the time “how do I create love, more money, a better body…?” You are always creating. You cannot stop creating. Through your whole life your thinking mind is working, it is spinning your outer reality, affecting your mood, your reactions to people and circumstances and mostly dragging you down.

The thinking mind summarizes your life events in an epic drama and the theme that is running is based on the quality of your thoughts. You cannot change your life unless you take responsibility for what you created so far. You are the author, the director and the actor in your own cosmic play.

Taking responsibility doesn’t mean that you beat yourself up, make yourself wrong and blame yourself for not being a good enough thinker. When you accept that you are creating your reality (consciously and unconsciously), you reclaim your power. Your creation may not always be perfect, but it is yours AND this realization reminds you that you have the choice to create something new.

The results in your life are not permanent. The ego only can re-create the past conditioning through its programmed reactions. When you are not in conscious control of your mind, this system works on autopilot and creates for you. The creative force weaving your life is still you; you just aren’t doing the driving. The ego mind is not imaginative or forward thinking, it just repeats the programs you set it up to do.

When you become conscious that you want a new result, you have to take back the reins of your mind and hold your will to a higher vision. This takes a lot of courage and mental effort because all of your senses and experiences of the past are telling you the opposite.

When what you don’t want shows up, your job is to consciously stop letting the autopilot reaction kick-in where emotions are triggered and you feel discouraged. There is a force within you stronger than your ego-mind that you must draw upon to transcend the experience. That force is called your Divine Self or some simply call it the Self.

The ego sees only limitations about what you already created in the past. The divine in you sees only unlimited possibilities. The ego sees the doors are closed and you better give up. The divine sees multiple doors and they are all open for you to choose from.

The ego sees that if you make a mistake and walk through the door, something terrible will happen. The divine knows that the door is just one of many choices and you have the freedom to keep opening new doors and creating more possibilities.

Each time you are faced with a result you have a choice. That feeling or reaction to the result is like a key that can either lock you in to the past or set you free to create something fresh. Ask yourself, “What is this showing me about my mind?” to remind yourself that you are in control, not external circumstances.

To live in possibility means to know there is always another door, another opportunity and that there is a powerful force within you that wants you to have what you want even more than you. That force has always been at your side and waiting for you to claim its power to create something extraordinary and live bigger.

Keep seeing every result as an open door. It is leading you to the next step on your journey. Don’t ignore it or run from it. Embrace it as your freedom is on the other side.

Boundaries Build More Love and Intimacy in Relationships

Have you ever felt afraid to set boundaries with a friend, boss, client or lover? If you told someone that they did something you would not tolerate, do you fear they would leave? This type of fear shows up in all relationships and causes a division.

Your boss makes you work crazy hours and never promotes you. Your co-worker is the slacker who does less work than you and takes all the credit. The person you are dating Share The Love, Become a Certified Love Coachdoesn’t ask you out on weekends or want to date you exclusively. Your friend talks about you behind your back. Your mother constantly criticizes you but then asks you for a million favors.

If you don’t set boundaries and communicate them, you are actually creating more distance with someone, not keeping them close. When you put up with poor behavior and do not express yourself, you end up resenting the person. You put walls up around you to protect yourself. They may still be in your life but you aren’t really connecting. You are being superficial to them but resenting them under your breath.

Studies in child psychology show that children do best when there are clear boundaries set in the household. When there are no set boundaries, the child feels insecure and gets anxious. Imagine if you don’t keep clear boundaries, how that fear arises within you. You don’t know right from wrong or if you have the right to say something or not. Since you are now the adult in your life, a small part of you feels insecure and doesn’t trust your choices.

Anger is the result when boundaries are not set and communicated. You are angry at them for what they said or did and angry at yourself for not speaking up.

To release the anger, you complain about that person to someone else instead of the person who caused you the problem in the first place. You hide behind gossip with your co-worker and the boss is demonized as the story continues to build and stretches way out of proportion. The more you love and care about the person, the more anger arises inside of you.

Communicating boundaries is the most loving thing you can do for someone. Most people don’t realize they hurt you or that they did something out of line. The majority of people have good intentions. Everyone is trying to do their best and sometimes people act out of their own fear and can hurt you through their ignorance. The only remedy is to communicate openly.

Humans fear communication because it opens us up to share a deeper part of ourselves. The vulnerability of saying that “this isn’t right” or that “you need do stop doing that” is facing the risk of rejection. To avoid rejection, you just complain to others, avoid confrontation and stay stuck. Relationships ends abruptly, friends turn to frenemies and the pattern repeats with other relationships.

We are afraid that if we make waves that they will leave us or hate us. We fear that our voice will not be heard or, worse, we will be laughed at and disrespected. We are still putting that other person above us as more important than our feelings. We resent them and resent ourselves.

Being clear on your own boundaries and communicating them to people in your life is the most loving thing you can do for yourself and for them. Some won’t agree or like the boundaries you set in the relationship but, if they truly care about you, they will respect you and work with you through calm communication.

If they drop away because they refuse to play by your rules, let them go. It is better to have one loyal friend than one hundred that you have to bend over backward to please.

You may worry about making someone feel bad that they hurt you, but it is actually more hurtful to not tell them. You hurt them more with passive aggressive behavior without their ability to defend themselves or share their side of the story.

When you set boundaries with others, they know who you really are. You aren’t being fake-nice, you are being real and authentic. You also give them permission to set their own boundaries. If you let them walk over you, they may think it is okay to let others walk over them. Or, worse, they keep doing what they are doing not realizing they are hurting people. No one wins in that scenario.

Boundaries build intimacy. They are an expression of love and honesty. Trust those who keep their boundaries consistent. Select relationships with people who are open to communicate and don’t run at the first sign of conflict. These will be your deepest friends and trusted allies who will never leave you.

To start creating clear boundaries in your relationships, get clear with yourself first:

  1. Make a list of things you no longer wish to tolerate in a relationship in personal and professional life.
  2. Identify the people in your life with whom YOU HAVE ALLOWED to cross those boundaries.
  3. Accept the responsibility of this situation- you gave them permission because you didn’t clearly communicate with them the boundary.
  4. Set yourself free by owning your part and clearing up the communication.
  5. The person will feel closer to you than ever or will drop away. You will then know who the true people are in your life.
Setting boundaries is like saying I love you and I want to keep you in my life, but only if you act with respect. If you step over the line, I love you enough to tell you.

 

There is nothing wrong with you

For decades I searched for the answer to my life’s problems. I didn’t know my purpose, I was single and I hated my day job. I felt stuck but was always open to explore inside what I needed to fix to make my life better.

The journey started out hopeful, but the more I dug into my past family history, my relationships with my parents, siblings, romantic interests and bosses, the more problems I http://www.dreamstime.com/royalty-free-stock-photo-my-new-life-chapter-one-concept-fresh-start-year-resolution-dieting-healthy-lifestyle-image35008695seemed to uncover. I was told that I had all these wounds from the past that needed to be cleared for me to have a normal life.

My friends would recommend the latest magical cure and was very hopeful that each time it would help. I felt better for a while but then quickly lost all momentum when I had some minor upset that brings a person into a feeling of isolation and hurt. I felt like I would never be “healed” and that there was something wrong with me.

For years I navigated along the roller-coaster of my life, still searching for a partner, a career and peace of mind. I felt as though I was going crazy, that I couldn’t be in my own skin anymore. Hopelessness started to set in and I was exhausted from my constant fixing and repairing my damaged psyche.

I started to awaken from my almost zombie-like effort to “improve myself” mission when I realized that I was using personal development to feel better like a drug. If I did the technique correctly, then I would be good and worthy. When things didn’t fall into place, something was wrong with me. I felt like an old jalopy that keeps requiring repairs at the shop.

The ego-mind will tell you that you aren’t enough, that you’d be better in a relationship rather than single or if you found the right job, or your purpose and made more money. All those things are great, but should they be used to measure how good you are inside?

If you are waiting for external results to make you feel better about yourself, then you are falling into the same ego trap that prevents you from having joy in your life. You falsely believe that something out there can make you better.

If you continue this thinking eventually the ego-mind will tell you that you aren’t enough until you get the breakthrough, until you have deeper insight or you stop falling back to fear or old patterns. This personal development perfectionism can infiltrate the process of growth and pull you back down to being materialistic about your enlightenment.

You see many experts out there who feed this lie about needing healing. They tell you that if you just do this technique it will magically solve all life’s problems and you will be happy forever. Just one click, a few taps, one mantra, done. When you don’t get the man or the money, you beat yourself up and think you are wrong. Then, you move on to the next hot technique hungry to find your bliss.

If you approach your personal development as a fixing tool, like taking your psyche into a repair shop, you will never be satisfied. You may temporarily feel a high from a retreat or a class but it doesn’t last. Why, because you are starting off with a false assumption – that you need to be fixed in the first place.

There is nothing wrong with you.

The reason you don’t have what you want is because you haven’t learned how to use your mind to create. You don’t need to clear things from your mind or heal wounds, just understand how the mind creates and take the reins back from ego that is driving your life on auto-pilot.

Your ego doesn’t need to be fixed; it is a necessary function that helps you survive. All you need to do to have more joy in your life is access the higher mind beyond the ego – your true self. You have to stop believing you are just your thoughts.

Your true self can never be harmed, injured, burned or destroyed. Instead of trying to re-arrange furniture in your ego lower mind, you can transcend to the higher mind to see that you are already enlightened. You have an ego that prevents you from seeing this clearly.

When you make mistakes, have a negative day or have a temporary setback, it doesn’t mean you are doing something wrong or you have blocks. This is normal. Your ego will resist and without the ego’s resistance you wouldn’t grow. These obstacles are a gift to bring you closer to your true self.

The proper way to use personal development is not as a medicine cabinet but as a way to understand your mind so you can use it as an ally to navigate the journey of your life. The more you learn and accept all parts of yourself, the easier life becomes.

If you want to have the love, the money, the lifestyle and the career of your dreams, you must be willing to face the parts of life you are running from including tough times, heartaches and so-called failures. If you stop trying to fix them but learn from them you can truly grow into the person who has it all.

Indulging in the luxury of doubt

Doubt is not alone and is closely followed by its cousins, fear and worry. Doubt brings us down, it clouds our thinking and distracts us from joy. It may sound strange that the idea of doubt is a luxury and every form of luxury has its price.

Doubt has its advantages. You get to

  • give up
  • blame the past for our current situation
  • avoid change
  • stay in your comfort zone
  • sit back and blame the world for your problems
  • be lazy

The ego loves doubt because it gives you a great excuse to remain unchanged. The ego feeds your doubt by showing you evidence of all the ways you will not find love, not make any money or live your dreams. You spent far too many years entertaining these ideas as if they were true.

The years of doubt result in having more faith in failure than faith in possibilities.

When you have big dreams or a strong desire to change, you cannot afford the luxury of doubt. The cost of this indulgence is never getting what you want and waiting for the world to prove something to you in order to believe in your dreams.

Doubt creates a huge chasm between where you are and where you want to be. It can stop you from fully investing in yourself for a transformational program or encourage you to go the cheapest possible route because nothing is going to work anyway. Worse, the doubt can sabotage anything you do to grow yourself because you never gave it a fighting chance to help you.

But…thankfully, your dream won’t go away. The inner voice that believes and loves you keeps pushing you toward more life. Eventually, you decide that you don’t have time to wait, you want to experience your dreams now and that surge gives you the courage to be bold and leave doubt in the dust.

When you let go of the luxury of doubt, you have to be ready to experience being uncomfortable. It takes courage to:

  • hold the vision of what you want even when everything is showing you the opposite
  • move outside of your comfort zone and take risks
  • face change
  • take responsibility for your destiny
  • constantly being motivated
  • face adversity and temporary defeat
  • be rejected by others and not let it rattle you
  • open your heart and allow yourself to be vulnerable to receive
  • see yourself and your life as an unlimited because no one told you that before

By opening the door to new possibilities you now get to experience the power of a creative life rather than a passive life. You get to be challenged in ways you never imagined, but the hero in you perseveres in reaching his or her true destiny.

You realize that false sense of safety you felt in your tiny comfort room is so terribly small and boring. When you are called to action, it is no longer a luxury to have doubt. Doubt becomes a burden. You have to let it go because it is too heavy for the journey on the wild ride of an amazing, creative life.

 

Why success in business but not love?

When I was in the corporate world, I knew exactly what I needed to do to be successful in the traditional sense. I knew that to do well there was certain education and skills required. The rules of corporate America were very clear. You do your job and you get paid. You do your job well and then you get promoted and paid more.

It makes sense to apply this methodology to finding love. The self-help industry has totally fallen into this trap as well. If you follow the three or seven or ten steps in a particular modality, you will find love. If you have the right “skills” you can catch a partner.

You may have been taught that following the dating rules, behaving according to the expectations of society (what men or women want), will lead you to love. You advertise yourself with the perfect profile and pictures to attract the appropriate audience. So, why does this type of marketing work in business but not in dating?

 

The difference is that you are dealing with love not logic.

You have been trained to become successful in business since kindergarten. Do your homework, fall in line with the winners, make the right friends and you will make it to graduation. You were rewarded for your logic, intellect and achievements (even in sports), but not for quality of relationships you have in your life.

You learned about relationships from your family, your peers and pop-culture. You were never officially trained or taught about your psyche in school and about what makes a great marriage. This information is left on default and you are still trying to apply logic to combat your relationship conditioning.

To turn things around in your love life, you must take a fresh step outside of the paradigm of your business success and approach your knowledge of self in completely different way. In business you learn to acquire more knowledge, in self-development you unlearn your acquired knowledge and let go of ideas that you have outgrown to reveal you true identity.

In order to find true love, you must see yourself beyond the mask of your business persona and discover your true self who is vulnerable and open to great love. You have great courage in reaching career goals and you can harness that strength to take you on the inner journey to bring your unconscious to consciousness.

The path of self-knowledge is not a cookie-cutter approach. There is no finish line because it is a life-long process. Sometimes you can’t measure where you are on a spreadsheet or graph, but that is the point. You are already perfect, you just have to be willing to see the amazing you that is already there and the people you meet will reflect that back to you. This is love, not logic.

They laughed at my dreams, but I didn’t let that stop me.

There was a time when I had dreams but had no idea how to make them a reality. I dreamed of finding a true love and doing something meaningful as a career.  I encountered so many obstacles along the way but I kept moving and hoping that things would turn out. Not because I was so sure that they would, but because I couldn’t stand the thought of retreating back to die an unfulfilled life.

I wanted to teach about love and personal development. I wanted to write a book on finding love by accessing the subconscious mind, be interviewed as an expert on television and lead workshops around the world. I also wanted to find my own true love but past experience never gave me a hint of hope that it would ever happen. No matter the odds, I kept moving.

I remember once when I was at a women’s networking event and I shared my dreams of being a relationship expert. The woman across from me shouted to the rest of the group, “Look at her, she wants to be a relationship expert and she’s not even in a relationship! Isn’t that funny?”  Yes, they all had a good laugh on my account. But, that didn’t stop me.

They told me that I didn’t have a Ph.D. so forget about getting a book deal. They told me I couldn’t get interviewed on television because I didn’t have the right credentials or didn’t have the right look. They told me that I wouldn’t find a great guy because after all I was forty and I just needed to settle for good enough. I didn’t listen to them and continued toward my goals.

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Money is not out there or on trees

During these uncertain times, many are wondering why the law of attraction is not working for them. Any attempt to manifest money seems to be futile no matter how much meditation, EFT tapping or visualizations they perform. You see, the law is always working but what people tend to struggle with is the quality of energy they put into it. One simple reason for lack of results is the focus of the person…they are directing their attention outside of themselves. The source of money is not “out there” but inside.

All things come from you and your mind first before it is created in the external world. Unfortunately, we are so conditioned to believe that things come to us instead of being created from us. In order to manifest unlimited wealth, you must first recognize the power within you to create your own reality. Acknowledge that you have created your current financial circumstances and by doing so you can then believe that you can change your situation. The famous Wallace Wattles says to use your will toward yourself by directing your mind on what you want. This means that you should stop reaching outside to get it and pull your energy and focus inside so that the abundance can appear to you.

Of course, you must take action but the steps you take should never come from a place of grasping. As you hold the energy of need you are reinforcing lack in your subconscious mind. The only way to hold this vibration of unlimited wealth is to stop paying attention to what is in front of you and maintain the belief that you will get want you intend even if you cannot logically understand how it will occur.

That said, this is not something easily mastered as you have been conditioned to think just the opposite your entire life. With practice, you can get into the habit of holding the feeling of abundance and will see more consistent results. The good news is that even a slight adjustment can make an incredible impact on your financial future. Daily self-hypnosis is a powerful way to give your mind training wheels and shift the root of your thinking into the direction of success.

The cool thing about life is that you get tons of do-overs. No matter what pattern of thought you were stuck in yesterday or even an hour ago, you can begin creating a new future now. All of your desires are already a seed of potential inside of you, learn to find, nurture and watch the roots of prosperity grow from within. Money does not grow on a tree, wealth is cultivated in the mind.

What Stops You From Being Your Best?

Everyone has unlimited potential, but they seem to hold themselves back from their greatness. They get distracted, talk themselves out of their dreams as if they were unattainable anyway and ultimately feel unsatisfied. It is a tragic cycle of dreaming, getting disappointed and giving up. Most of the time, people stay stuck in the giving up and resort to complaining about their life, their body or their romantic situation instead of doing anything to change it. So, what stops you from being your best?

The subconscious likes to keep consistent patterns and resists change because it is afraid of the unknown. That is why people avoid starting new things because they are scary. Ancient survival instincts kick in, and the mind chatter finds a way to talk you out of anything different than the status quo. Certain people may have also been conditioned against change if they needed to keep a sense of order and predictability to survive in an abusive household. Some have had devastating failures that keep them from trying again. Everyone has something that holds them back whether it is fear of change or failure. They key is to find out what stops you, so you can overcome the barriers and create the life you truly desire.

First, think of a time when you had a big dream and gave up. Journal about the conditions of that place in your life, and describe how you felt about it. What story were you telling yourself about why you should stop pursuing the dream? Was it because you did not feel qualified (not good enough), or because you felt that there was a lack of support either financially or emotionally from those around you? Now looking back, review the idea and ask yourself if you absolutely believed that was true or was it just a story you told yourself.

People make up stories and rationalize about why they can’t lose weight, find a man or be successful because they have an unconscious desire to stay in their comfort zone. Let’s face it, a little work is required to accomplish anything extraordinary. The reason most people do not succeed is because they are too lazy to be pushed out, stretched and tested to gain something more in life. In order to put ourselves in a position of being “uncomfortable,” we need a good reason, or to become so uncomfortable in our current environment to push ourselves to make a change.

Now think of your big dream. Does it make you feel excited or scared? Could you live your life knowing that you never reached that dream? What stops you from taking action? Write down a list of all the justifications and reasons why you have not taken the steps required to pursue your goal. Then, write down all the reasons you should pursue the dream. To get motivated, your reasons to move forward must be stronger than the rationale to stay put. Self-hypnosis is also a great way to reprogram the subconscious mind to support the positive reasons for change.

Wallace Wattles, the author of “The Science of Getting Rich” (the book that Rhonda Byrne read to inspire her to do the movie, The Secret), says you are either thinking with your limited mind or the creative mind. Each time you give up and say it can’t be done, you are operating with your limited mind. When you open your mind up to all possibilities, you start using the creative mind. The creative mind is where miracles happen.

Here’s how to start that process. Look at your list of reasons that you cannot reach your goal again. Analyze it very carefully and come up with creative ideas that can override those excuses. For example, if one of your justifications is that you do not have the money, think of all the creative ways that you can attract the money you need (even if you think they are impossible). Just writing down how you can overcome those obstacles can attract new opportunities to you according to the law of attraction. This process helps you state intentions to what you want to draw into your life and you will be amazed at how easily things manifest for you.

Do not look at your life only through your current circumstances. Be open to the unseen forces that are working to bring you new resources. The reason most people give up is because they only notice what is, instead of what could be. If everyone thought that way, we would never have learned how to walk, discover a new world or get to the moon. The only thing that is stopping you from being your greatest self is you.