Dealing with rejection is a part of the dating game. Some people don’t even bother getting out there because they dread being rejected and the idea of rejecting someone else. Dating triggers things in your emotional lock-box that you often don’t want to look at. The slightest hint of a man pulling away can set off a firestorm of insecure feelings and critical thoughts which lead you down the dark path of despair.
Quite often I hear from women when a man just disappears, “What is wrong with me?” “Why did he lose interest?” and “What could I have done differently to keep him around?” Then it always follows with a silly quote they found in one of those destructive dating books which explains all the mistakes women make with men and how they screw up their love life. I promptly reply by asking them to toss that book in the trash, lift their chin up and ask themselves, “What is up with him?”
The last straw in my self-deprecating dating patterns was a man who invited me to a ski weekend in Aspen. He proceeded to meet other women and spend time with them the entire time while I was staying at his condo. At first I wondered if I was pretty enough or interesting enough for him, but then a voice inside said loud and clear, “You deserve more.”
A few months later, I witnessed a man in my hypnotherapy class proclaim that he could not commit to women because of his issues with his step-mother. He would really want a relationship but then sabotage it because he didn’t trust women. This made me realize that every man has his own story, his own dysfunctional past that he is coping with when it comes to women. My Aspen guy was abandoned by his father at three so I am sure there was some crazy baggage going on in this world too.
Of course, you have to take responsibility for being the other piece of the puzzle that drew you to him, but you don’t have to take ALL of the responsibility as if you are broken and the guy is perfect. If you continue to put up with bad behavior you should look within as to why you keep attracting this scenario into your life, but you always have the power to walk away and break the pattern of attraction. You can stop walking on eggshells wondering if you are going to make one of the “silly dating mistakes” because, if he has issues with women, he will act like a jerk no matter how perfectly you follow the rules.
Men have a subconscious part of them I call the Inner Eve™. Their internal relationship with all women is dictated through this part of them. Formed by early life experiences of their interactions with women, this is how they see all women and how they relate to them. If they have a dysfunctional relationship with their Inner Eve™, they will not be open to love and it won’t be because you talked about marriage on the first date or slept with him too soon.
The best way to approach dating is to know that everyone has past emotional stuff. Some of it you are conscious of and the other stuff is subconscious. For women, they have their Inner Adam™ that dictates their relationships with men. As long as you have a body, you will be dealing with your stuff. The more conscious you are of your triggers and habits, the more power you have over your actions and reactions in dating. You can then stop taking everything so darn personally when a guy doesn’t call because you have the wisdom to know that ordinary guys see through deluded glasses that block them from perceiving the real you.
As you become more conscious, you will begin to realize that you aren’t your stuff. You find that deeper, more divine part of you beyond your patterns and programming that seeks a true connection, an extraordinary relationship. You no longer seek approval from men to validate you. You believe in yourself so much that when someone isn’t interested in you, you can shrug it off and say with confidence, “I wonder what’s up with him.” You easily move on and find someone who thinks you are the prize.
*Want to heal your Inner Adam™ so you can attract the love of your life? Join us in NYC for our two-day intensive event May 4-5th. CLICK HERE TO REGISTER!